


All I Need

by elizabeth_beauchamp



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Loss, Mild Smut, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-17 02:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21046475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizabeth_beauchamp/pseuds/elizabeth_beauchamp
Summary: In the aftermath of Stephen Bonnet's attack, Jamie and Claire share a quiet moment together. Based on show canon, immediately following 4x01.My contribution to the One Quote One Shot, Book #2 challenge. Thank you to @notevenjokingfic and @balfeheughlywed for setting it up!!My quote was the following: "And I voyaged into him, as he into me, so that when the last small storms of love began to shake me, he cried out, and we rode the waves together as one flesh, and saw ourselves in each other’s eyes."





	All I Need

**Author's Note:**

> This moment has been on my heart since the time that 4x04/4x05 aired, when I realized we wouldn't be seeing a moment where Jamie and Claire could process what happened to them and grieve the loss of Claire's beautiful Lallybroch wedding ring. I truly loved writing this, and I hope you enjoy. Thank you so much for reading. <3 
> 
> A special thank you to @claryclark, @wickedgoodbooks, and @smashing-teacups for all of their amazing beta skills.

****The sharp chirping of nocturnal cardinals jolted my body awake. I could only absorb the navys and plums of the star-filled sky as I focused on steadying my breathing, sweat from the North Carolina summer clinging to every inch of my skin. The peaceful stillness of the night was a stark contrast to the pounding headache and soreness that radiated through my arms and legs as I slowly rose with my upper body. I glanced around my immediate surroundings, my heart rate spiking at the realization that even though I currently held one of Jamie’s plaids and a fire was roaring less than ten feet from me, he was nowhere to be found.

Before I could even register the motion, my left hand sought my right, and my heart plunged into my stomach as I felt the naked skin of my right ring finger. 

I thought it had been a nightmare. It undoubtedly still was, but this one hadn’t been confined within the realms of my subconscious. Second by second, bits of the attack returned to the forefront.

_ The pirates’ sickeningly gleeful smiles as they launched onto the boat, attacking us from all sides. _

_ The glimpse of fear and helplessness in Jamie’s eyes as they dragged him onto the de ck. _

_ The life instantly disappearing from Lesley as he collapsed, blood pooling at my feet. _

_ Stephen Bonnet’s chilly, bony fingers pressed against my neck and prying open my tightly-shut jaw, single-handedly breaching my last line of defense for the rings I refused to surre nder. _

_ The gutwrenching and complete devastation that wracked my body as I gagged up only one ring. _

_ The unrecognizable scream that burst from my lungs and rang through my ears when I discovered it wasn’t the ring I’d wanted to protect the mo st. _

I cradled my unadorned right hand with my left, fighting the rush of tears that threatened to never stop once let loose. 

“Sassenach!” 

I heard the rustling of newly-fallen leaves underneath his feet before Jamie lunged down beside me, gently placing his right hand behind my head and kissing my forehead. “Thank Christ, ye’re awake. Are ye alright?”

Between the overwhelming fear that shook his voice and the beginnings of dawn peeking over the expansive mountain range miles away, I realized I’d likely been asleep for several hours.

“I’m alright,” I reassured him, surprised at the raspiness currently blanketing my own vocal cords. The fierce pain in my temples confirmed that I’d spoken too soon, and I slowly rested my left cheek against Jamie’s right shoulder. “Where are we? Where’s Young Ian?”

“He’s sleeping about thirty paces away. Rollo and the crew are with him.”

“And Lesley? He’s dead, isn’t he?”

I felt Jamie’s somber nod, and he squeezed me closer to him.

“He wasna alive by the time I was able to get to you all off the boat,” he whispered. I turned my gaze towards his with a heavy heart, but I quickly shifted my positioning to ensure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me.

“Jamie, are _ you _ alright?” Grabbing the corner of his plaid, I poured water from the canteen next to me and placed the damp fabric against the clotted blood on his forehead. “Your face looks terrible. And your arm, is it broken?” 

“It’ll be fine, _a nighean." _Placing the cloth on the ground after a minute, Jamie slowly scooted towards the tree trunk a few feet away and reached for my hand. I winced through the aches and cracks — likely brought on more by sleeping on uneven ground than by the trauma we’d experienced the night before — as I rose to my knees and gracelessly crawled towards him. Wrapping his right arm around my shoulders, he tugged me closer and kept his piercing dark eyes on me. “Dinna fash about me, Sassenach, I’m worried about you.”

“I can’t remember much after,” I swallowed thickly, “after the attack. How did we get here?”

Though his face masterfully donned the mask that smoothed over his warring emotions, I knew his eyes were his weakest defense. Concentrated on me, they flickered between outright devastation, helplessness, and guilt. “I ran inside as soon as I could to find you and Young Ian. I tried to get to ye first, but he was so shaken by what had happened and by Lesley’s death. I calmed him down, and he and the boat crew helped take care of Lesley.” His arm disappeared from behind my back and rested underneath my chin, bringing me closer.

“But you didna say a word after I came to ye.” The sapphires in his eyes burned brighter from the sudden sheen of tears, his fingers delicately tracing the right side of my jaw before finding refuge in my tangled mess of a bun. “You were so pale, and you couldn’t look me in the eye. I called yer name so many times, and even when ye were able to stand and walk with me, it was like ye were somewhere off in the distance. We decided to make camp here for the night.”

It required every ounce of strength in me to break from his gaze as I carefully studied our location for the first time that evening. Jamie and I were on top of a hill, at the edge of a densely-populated forest. With trees and the creatures that inhabited them behind us, our view only consisted of the downward slope of the rolling hill that met yet another vast forest below. Although the night sky dominated our surroundings, I caught a glimmer of pink and gold in the horizon.

“I didna think it’d be wise to place us in the middle of the woods, all enclosed and trapped, ye ken?” he spoke faintly, the fingers of his right hand entwining with my left as he pulled them onto his lap. “I had hoped that wakin’ up to bright skies and a beautiful view of the mountain range ahead might bring some peace to us all.” His mouth collapsed into a thin line, forcing a half-smile as he kissed my hand. “You were still shakin’ so badly while we set up camp, so I made us a little place for you and me not too far away.” 

His thumb lightly traveled the worn lines of my fingers, and my stomach twisted painfully once he reached the smooth gold band. The simple movement reminded me of the permanent loss I’d experienced at the hands of Bonnet, and the confession I needed to tell Jamie. I shuddered as I observed the prominent tan line that encircled my right ring finger, contemplating _ how _ to tell him the news without falling apart.

“I can see yer thoughts tumblin’ around in yer head, Sassenach.” Jamie’s accurate observation prompted my eyes up towards his, concern and love flowing from his own as he squeezed my hand. “I’m here, _a nighean. _Ye dinna have to face them alone.”

The comfort he wanted to give me viciously collided with the anger and grief raging in my blood, and I released some of it in a deep exhale as I rolled my shoulders back, brought my knees up towards my chest, and squeezed his hand in return.

“Stephen Bonnet took my ring. After he killed Lesley, he forced me against the wall and demanded I hand over my rings. I tried everything I could to protect them. I swallowed them, but he—” A sudden flashback left me unable to continue, and I stared at the fire as I placed a hand around my throat, pushing against the bruises he’d left on me tonight. “I thought I could save both, but I wasn’t fast enough.” As my teary gaze returned to Jamie’s, the single thread that held my composure together reached its last frayed end, for I could never have imagined the depths of sorrow and helplessness I encountered.

“I’m so sorry, Jamie,” I choked out feebly, failing to craft the perfect combination of words that wouldn’t vastly underestimate my remorse.

“Oh, _mo chridhe.”_ His voice carried a similar constriction as he let go of my hand and cradled the back of my head. “Dinna blame yerself. You were so brave, and you did everythin’ ye could.”

I shook my head inches away from his own, shutting my eyes in an attempt to stop the exodus of tears. “It wasn’t enough, I’m afraid. I shouldn’t have tried to save both of them.”

“Ye did what was best in the moment, Sassenach.”

“It feels like a cruel joke that _ this _ was the ring I ended up saving.” The admission both relieved and further broke me. “I should have taken it off a long time ago. I don’t even know why I wear it anymore. I told Bonnet that I’d been married twice, and I showed him the rings and—”

“Claire.” 

His firm yet loving call unwound the emotional web I was currently tangling myself in. He inched closer, adjusting our stiff bodies against the uncomfortable tree bark.

“It isna yer fault that ye had to face him alone.” Though Jamie remained solidly fixated on me, the slight quiver and sudden tightening of his lips revealed that he also was at the edge of the precipice, right beside me. “I’m—I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to protect you.” 

The glow from the fire briefly illuminated the newly formed tears in Jamie’s eyes before he quickly blinked them away, shaking his head in the process. “I trusted that monster. I brought him close to you, to Young Ian. I told him our plans and where we were goin’. None of this would have happened if I’d not been so reckless in my decision to help him.”

“You and I _ both _ trusted him,” I reminded him, foreseeing Jamie’s own emotional entanglement he was creating. “We made the decision together, you can’t take the blame for this yourself.” 

He shook his head again, and for the first time that evening, I could see how exhausted he was. His shoulders slumped a bit deeper; the lines around his eyes were more prominently etched; his left arm (most likely broken, despite his stubborn refusal to admit it) was awkwardly positioned across his body; and he’d leaned his head back against the tree, unable to look at me as he continued.

“I’ve never forgotten the time the British soldiers found us that day when we were in the glade, not long after we were wed. It haunts me even to this day, because it was my failure to act that put ye in danger. And I vowed that day to do everything in my power to ensure that would never happen again.” 

A single tear fell as he untangled his right hand from my left and placed it against my cheek, flushed from the heat of the fire. “I gave them all the power they needed to hurt us tonight, and I almost lost you again.” 

“We didn’t know, Jamie.” My aching exhaustion resulted in tears flowing more freely, his words having spotlighted the harsh reality of how close we’d been to losing each other yet again. “We did the best we could. _ You _ did the best you could. And Lesley and Young Ian fought with their entire beings to protect me.”

A natural silence fell between us, our minds reflecting on the immense weight of Lesley’s sacrifice. Jamie stroked the curved line of my jaw, sighing deeply as he studied the emotion flitting across my glass face. 

“I still should have been the one to protect ye. And because I couldn’t, you lost something that was precious to ye.”

He glanced down as he reached for my right hand, his thumb touching the uncovered skin for the first time. “I’m so sorry about yer ring, _mo ghraidh.”_

My eyes eventually followed his downwards, and a formidable weight sat squarely on my chest as I watched his fingers graze my pale skin. 

“When we were apart, your ring was a lifeline.” I sensed the slight stiffening-and-relaxation of Jamie’s movements that traveled as quick as lightning through his body — a visceral reaction he couldn’t ward off whenever we talked about those twenty years. “I could always look down and know that everything we shared was real. The adventures, the heartbreak, the moments of happiness we had together.” 

“I never took it off.” Our stares traveled upward and I briefly gripped his hand tightly, adding my own physical emphasis to the sentiment. “It carried your memory with me, and I liked to imagine that the ring was your touch against my skin. Even over this past year, I’d look down and see it,” I gently removed my hand from his grasp and placed it between us, “and sometimes I’d think about it all. Everything you and I have been through since the day you gave it to me.”

Jamie flashed the closest thing to a full smile I’d seen from him in days as the beginning of a chuckle rumbled from his chest. “Aye, so much life has happened since the day that yer new, naive, lovesick husband made a daft wee fool of himself—”

“A _ daft wee fool _ who was kind enough to marry a woman for her protection, and who gave her a ring fashioned from a key to his family home.” Framing his worn face, I leaned in and kissed him more generously this time, lingering a few seconds longer before pulling away and meeting his eyes. “And I was so proud to wear it every single day.”

“Placing that ring on yer finger was one of the happiest moments of my life, Sassenach.” He blinked back the encroaching tears and reached for my right hand, kissing the ring finger several times while never breaking my gaze. “To have seen you wear my ring again after all of these years, I’ll always be grateful for that.” 

He brought our hands down between us, breaking our pause with a watery half-smile. “I will truly miss seeing it on you.”

The raw tenderness in Jamie’s eyes and words sent me over the emotional precipice, and an involuntary sniffle shook my upper body as the tears flowed once more.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed rather weakly while wiping underneath my eyes. “We have so much to think and worry about now, and I can’t stop crying over the fact that I’ll never see that beautiful ring again.”

I felt Jamie’s arms wrap around my waist and nudge me towards him. I never strayed from his focus as I carefully straddled his thighs, comfortably resting in his lap and enveloping my arms around the back of his neck. 

“I never want ye to hide or apologize for yer feelings, _mo ghraidh._ We had to do that for too many years.”

I nodded, a hiccup accompanying the motion.

“Tis alright to grieve for what’s been taken from ye.” 

Nodding again, the manageable stream of tears immediately amplified into full-blown sobs. Jamie drew me towards his chest and began rubbing my back in steady circles. Finding the gentle curve in his neck that fit my head perfectly, I slowly lowered my hands down his chest as my body named the fear and heartache that I carried in my bones.

_ Wentworth. Faith. Culloden. Brianna. _

_ Twenty years of aching loneliness. A terrifying jaunt to Jamaica that separated us for weeks on end. Two brushes with death since we’d reunited, one amidst a hurricane in the Atlantic Ocean and the other at the end of the barrel of a gun tonight. _

_ And the loss of a ring I’d worn in joy and in mourning; in uncertainty and in confidence; and always, always in love. _

As my own cries faded over time, I heard the soothing whispers of Gaelic spoken against my ear that filled my body with a quiet and steadying hum. His graceful hand delicately traveled my back, as if I was a rare piece of fine china in his grasp. After a while, our breathing synchronized, and my world shrunk to the two of us.

_ Jamie. I have Jamie. We are together, forever, and that is enough. _

“We’ll be alright,” I whispered against his ear. Initially formed as a question internally, the security I experienced only in Jamie’s arms had bolstered my confidence.

“Aye, we will.”

Lifting my head off his shoulder while wiping down my puffy cheeks, I smiled and silently basked in the similarities to the first encounter we’d had alone, nearly 25 years ago. 

“Ye look a wee bit pleased with yerself, Sassenach. Care to let yer husband in on the secret?” 

The heat of the fire permeating through both of our clothing. Jamie’s uninjured arm wrapped around me, in both reverence and comfort, while the other laid angled against him. The pure want in those irresistible and glazed pools of blue — a desire I could presently act on, but actively fought that first night in Castle Leoch.

“You’ve always been able to do that, you know.” I let out another hiccup before pulling back my curls and inching closer to Jamie, my hands gently clasped at the back of his neck. “You calm me in a way that nothing else in this world can.”

“And you for me, _mo chridhe.”_ Jamie quietly exhaled against my neck, and an unexpected but welcomed sensation traveled down my spine, increasing my urge to be closer to him. “I felt it that night in front of the fire at Leoch, when I knew I loved ye.” 

He rubbed his nose along mine, and I bit back a laugh at the fact that his mind had discovered my thoughts once again.

“I think I knew then, too,” I whispered, “how I felt about you.” 

Jamie chuckled as he lightly kissed my jawline and traveled down my neck. The feeling of his soft lips and stubble against my skin awakened every nerve ending, and I grounded my hips against his in response, chuckling in satisfaction as he let out a half-stifled moan.

“That night was the first time I wanted to kiss you,” I blurted out breathlessly, feeling more like a shy teenager admitting her feelings to her first crush than a woman in the solid arms of her adoring husband. Jamie paused his wandering mouth, his eyes glittering with amusement at this newfound admission. “You were right there, looking at me the same way you are now, with that need to love and protect me completely.”

Done with any form of teasing, his mouth met mine in a passionate kiss, our lips perfectly fitting each other’s subtle movements and parting only due to a dangerous lack of oxygen. 

“I’ll always feel that way about ye, _mo nighean donn.”_ The huskiness in his tone sent another shiver down my spine as my hands caressed the weary lines of his face. “Blood of my blood, and bone of my bone.”

The sacred words he hadn’t spoken to me since we parted at the stones all those years ago lingered between us, and I suddenly became overwhelmed by how much I needed him right in that moment. 

“As long as we both shall live,” I concluded with a slight tremble, wasting no time in placing my starving mouth back on his. 

Lost in each other, our hips moved together at a pace that steadily grew uneven. Amidst the rising desperation to have Jamie’s touch all over me, I moved us onto our sides. Our kisses became more heated, the sweat from our bodies and the fire dripping down our cheeks. My hands began unlacing my corset before Jamie broke our kiss, his smirk communicating an outright refusal to let me undress myself. Our lips met in between the removal of layers, signaling our own impatience with time and physics. Once we’d removed all barriers between our skin, I pulled him to me once more and kissed him thoroughly. 

“Make love to me, Jamie,” I begged. 

I barely had time to decipher his wordless nod before an exaggerated sigh of relief departed my lungs, his single thrust filling me completely. Slowly, he began to move against me, and our bodies established their own calming rhythm. We were extra careful about any sounds we made, capturing our moans and sighs in strategic kisses, knowing that Young Ian and the crew weren’t too far from us. As I felt myself approaching my peak, Jamie suddenly parted from one of said kisses and shifted onto his back, bringing me on top of him.

“I need ye, Sassenach.” Jamie was breathing heavily through each syllable as he took my hands and placed our entwined limbs against his chest. “Come with me.” 

And I voyaged into him, as he into me, so that when the last small storms of love began to shake me, he cried out, and we rode the waves together as one flesh, and saw ourselves in each other’s eyes.

After riding the final crest, I collapsed against him and we tumbled back onto the plaid. Our bodies completely soaked in sweat, we laughed at the immediate stickiness between ourselves. 

“You taste so sweet, Sassenach,” Jamie whispered as he licked the edges of my collarbones. 

“And we are both disgusting,” I quipped, leaning towards him and kissing him swiftly. As I readied myself to pull away, Jamie softly gripped the back of my head, and our eyes clicked upon contact.

“I love you, Claire.” 

I beamed at him as I slid off his body and turned onto my side, taking his left hand and carefully holding it between my own.

“I love you too, Jamie.” 

He beamed at me in return, bringing our hands to his lips and rubbing his left thumb over my right hand.

“I ken ye dinna _ need _ a ring,” he admitted, watching his thumb dance over the nicks and ridges of my hand. “But it brought me a wee bit of joy every time I saw it on yer finger. Ye’re yer own woman, Sassenach, and I’d never change that. It was a thing of pride for me, if ye ken what I mean?” His already-pinked cheeks blushing deeper, I could see him getting flustered with his own words. “It was a way to show to the world that ye’re mine.”

I snuggled closer to him, grazing my fingers against his stubble. “I know what you mean. I felt the same way wearing it.” 

“We can think of something more permanent that can give ye the same feeling,” he spoke with a definite reassurance. “Maybe something we both can have.”

“I like that idea.” 

Jamie reached down and pulled the plaid over us, our adjustments erasing the last bit of space between us. I could feel my body pulling me inch by inch into deep slumber. Leaning in once more, I kissed Jamie’s swollen lips, his contented hum singing me to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me, as always, at @lcbeauchampoftarth on Tumblr or @lcbeauchampoft1 on Twitter. Thank you again for reading. <3


End file.
